I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
