He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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