I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Randomize
