you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
