During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
