Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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