he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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