I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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