I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
