last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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