Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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