Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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