problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
