I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
