wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
