well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
