I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
