We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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