I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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