Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
