Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
