i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
