You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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