shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
