I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
