There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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