So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
