I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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