If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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