I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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