Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
