John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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