I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
