Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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