His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
