I will die if light touches me.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
