i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
