Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
