You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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