Define "chronic" masturbator.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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