Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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