I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to calm my uterus...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
