I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
