I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
