I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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