Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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