I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
