worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
