It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
