I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
MIDGETS
????
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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