I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
